And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
