i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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