I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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