i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize