peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
