just come out here and I will go home with you...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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