if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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