I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
two words: eviction party
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
