my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
