In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
