I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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