I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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