I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
