I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
