i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
