So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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