I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
