I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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