take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
