Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
