I'm going to jail i love you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
