Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
