So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
