That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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