Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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