My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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