ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
