i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
