I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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