hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
