speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
