when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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