I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
