I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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