so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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