wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
