remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
