Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
