u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
