Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
