He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
