I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My penis needs a shock collar
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
