think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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