sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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