Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
