Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
false alarm, still single
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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