I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
