What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
