you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
