fuck your aforementioned shoe
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
