They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
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Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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