I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize