i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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