yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
