Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
