Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
