can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
