my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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