You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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